WISH

Fake smile on my face,

Drawn by my mistakes

Love songs I sang,

Letters on hang. 

Dark clouds on top

‘til my downtime drop

Broken strings of guitar

My ear candy, you are.

Old chest in my room,

Pictures of doom

Deep breath, I mean to fly

You said nothing, but goodbye.

PS: I wrote this poem a couple of years ago and some stanzas on it are deleted. Err, I don't wanna remember the lines. 

Feb. 19, 2013 05:45 p.m.: I AM NOT READY

I want it, I want it, I want it. I hate it.

When you come to a point that you don’t even know what and why you are doing such things in your life, that’s when you want to quit, sleep all day long and get back to the world with a new life.

Architecture. I've been spending the 4 years of my life to architecture. Two years of enjoyment and 2 years of confusion. If I would pass this level, one more year and I will graduate. But what is more to life if I, myself isn't interested at all on this field? 

I want to quit. Sleep. But when I get back, I still want my same old paint brush to be on my hand. I still love to draw. I still want to paint. But I still want to quit. 

Sa Gilid ng Patag na Daan

Kahapon, Lunes, mga bandang alas-dos ng hapon pauwi ako galling kung saan, may nakasabay akong matandang lalaki sa jeep. Madungis, may dalang bag na tila ba kung anu-ano  ang laman. Payat, madumi ang damit, sira ang sapatos, tila gutom ang sinasalamin ng kanyang mga mata.

Nakaupo sya sa may tapat ko, mainit sa pwesto niya kaya tumabi sya malapit sakin. Aminado ko, medyo hindi ko gusto na nasa may tabi ko siya dahil na rin sa amoy niya. May halong awa at pagtatanong sa sarili kung saan tutungo ang mamang ito.

Umandar ang jeep, malayo na ang biyahe pero hindi pa rin nagbabayad ang katabi ko. Naisip ko kung may pambayad kaya sya. Meron naman. Nagbayad siya tapos kinamaya-mayaan bumaba na rin. Bumaba sya malapit sa bababaan ko. Traffic. Minasdan ko hanggang makababa at lumakad palayo ung matandang nakatabi ko. Lumakad siya na para bang alam na alam kung saan siya tutungo. Dumiretso siya sa may tindahan, agad na hinawakan ang dyaryong nakalagay sa may daan. Dyaryo. Anong meron sa dyaryo? Kung ako ang tatanungin, wala talaga akong hilig magbasa ng ganon. Nakakainip, masakit sa ulo. Puro balita ng walang asenso. Pero para sa kagaya niyang tila hindi pa kumakain, naisip ko lang, hindi ba dapat pantawid-gutom ang una niyang inilapit sa tindahan? Minasdan ko lang siya hanggat hindi pa umaandar ang jeep. May mga estudyanteng nandoon, kinausap niya. Nakita ko siyang nakangiti, pero nilayuan siya.

Tuwing makakakita ako ng kagaya niya, naiisip ko, oo madungis sila pero ibig bang sabihin nun kasabay ng pagbahid ng dumi sa mga balat nila ay ang pagbura ng katinuan sa mga isip nila? Kasabay ba nun ang paglipas ng mga ala-alang kinagisnan nila mula sa kanilang mga pamilya? Kung hindi ito ang buhay na ginusto nila, bakit hindi na lang sila bumalik sa umpisa? Sapat na bang layuan sila ng mismong mundong ginagalawan nila? Sapat na bang dahilan ang madungis na pananamit at pagkaladkad sa butas na tsinelas ang ipagwalang-bahala sila ng lipunang hindi alintana ang dami nila?

Umandar ang jeep, kasabay ng patuloy na paglalakad ng matandang nakasabay ko. Hindi ko na nakita kung saan siya patungo. Ang alam ko lang, may nakasabay akong matandang lalaki kalakaladkad ang sapatos at bag niya, tinatahak ang byahe ng buhay na walang kasiguruhan kung ano, hanggang saan at hanggang kailan ang kayang ibigay sa kaniya.

UGH!

FML. Seriously, FML!

Monday schedule:
8 a.m. - 11 a.m. Planning
1 p.m. - 4 p.m. CEA

I got 2 epic subjects every Monday. Yes, just two, from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. I hate going to school as early as that. I think 7 or 8 a.m. classes should be illegal. You know, it's so hard to get up that early, try to move faster, take a bath, eat, blah, blah, blah...Ugh! What I'm actually trying to say is that, I wasn't able to go to any of that subjects today. Ugh shit!

My stomach ached and I had to take half of my life on the water closet. Drained. Ugh! First subject: failed! Lalala~

Thinking that I should regain my energy for the next subject, I slept. Oooooohhhh fudge! It's 12 p.m! Gotta go to the bathroom quickly! 1:30 p.m. gotta prepare my things! Oh fudge! 15 minutes to 1...where's my black shoes? WHERE IS MY BLACK SHOES????????

Fuck. I left it on our apartment. 45 minutes away from our house. Fuck.

1:40 p.m. I went to our apartment. Knock, knock, and fucking knock. No sign of any person on the house. FML! WHY? WHY?? WHY???

Badtrip. I went back to our house. Thirsty and all, I opened the cola in my bag. Swoosh! It popped out on my uniform. Nice. Very nice.

Oh well, I guess there are more shitty days to come. Hoping for the best ugh-shit-moments. Pffffft! What a day.

2 a.m.

Let me drown in your smile

Let me do this for a while

Let me be close to your heart

Let me have a space on that part

Sweet menthol, the scent of your hair

The best part of you, the most I care

Sweet words, you will always say

Wish you are serious, even just for a day

I can hear your voice inside my head

I can feel your skin protecting me like a shed

With you I got this smile somewhere

Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere

Such things that put me in a trance

We're so near yet I see you from a distance

The abstract world of our lunar day,

Woke me up in a midtown far away

This ain't the best part of me

This ain't what I wanted us to be

This ain't what I intended

This ain't the reason why I surrendered

I don't know how to end this letter

Don't even know how I got this paper

But promise me if this was all through,

Don't throw it all away, 'cause this is a letter for YOU. 

Getting started

First!

I can't remember the first time I made a blog site. I just signed up and that's it. Oh well, here's the catch, I just want to post something longer than I can post on twitter. Haha! And I am actually stalking some blogs. Oh yeah, am a stalker! Credits to facebook. 

I actually got a lot, no, tons of things to do but here I am chucking the shits out of my boring life. Making some I-don't-know-what-I-am-talking blog and I am enjoying it. A bit.

Oh well, oh well (Mayday Parade, oh I love this band!), I've got to get back on my work. Craaaaaaaaappp!  

PS: Don't Panic and listen to All Time Low :)